Yesterday was a negative day: An episode flared up and returning to something resembling normal required far more time than usual. This requires further analysis, but that is a different journal.
I wonder, though, if those who do not suffer from depression and triggers truly understand how those who do must find the strength to continue, even when there is none left, and the world snatches more away?
“Living on fumes” is one description. “Running on empty” fits, too. Or maybe it’s the ever-present “stuff it; can’t be bothered” mode? By the way, “can’t be bothered” isn’t about laziness; it’s about not living any more — suicide, or just giving up with life, just going through the motions. It’s a fatigue that rips into the soul and never leaves. Yet, somehow, you carry on.
My experience has taught me to channel this “energy” into anything but destruction. It doesn’t always work. But when it does, the writing zone takes over. By the time you re-emerge, the negative “energy” has dissipated enough to allow you to do whatever you need to. To a point. Otherwise, hide and sleep work well together. If they are feasible at the time.
So, on the upside, I “completed” a monster sketch and a brief description. It records the gist of what I’m after while providing flexibility and future potential. Not sure how the accompanying humanoid will feature. However, will decide later.